I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
