He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
one might say we're banned from that church
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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