Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize