Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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