when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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