Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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