thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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