who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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