Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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