my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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