You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
