i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just sent this text using only my big toe
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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