chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
