They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
