She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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