So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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