I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
