I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
