Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
