i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
