I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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