Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
