Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
actually, I'm a sock model
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
