that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
