I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
