In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
