Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
