Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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