We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize