Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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