Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
