I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
