did you get engaged???
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
