Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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