i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
