Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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