your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just want to make out with him forever
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
