I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
