I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
