Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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