winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize