Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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