Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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