I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize