My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
