so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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