Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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