i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
