I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have fence marks all over my body
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
