Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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