The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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