I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize