Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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