you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
