in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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