I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
