my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
