At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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