WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
