That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
