I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
