Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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