"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
