i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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