Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
