i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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