so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
