You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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