What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize