u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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