My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
