I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
