just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
