white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
