Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
