Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
