why didn't you poke me back
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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