Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She is in my trunk
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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