we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
