...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
