A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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