This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
