Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
