she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
