I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
