He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
