is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish I only lived at night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
