Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize