I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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