put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
