You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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