She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
