well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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