remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
