it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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