can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
