We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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