Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
